Thursday, June 23, 2011


A few months ago, I discovered the awesomeness of Allie Brosh, creator of Hyperbole and a Half. I read most of her blog in a day, and nearly wet myself laughing about a dozen times. Her simultaneously self-effacing and self-aggrandizing style of writing is a lot of fun to read. One of my favourite posts is called "I AM THE CHAMPION!!!", wherein she describes various random situations that make her feel like she has 'won', such as holding her breath for a whole minute, finding a matching pair of socks (double win if it's under a minute), or, my personal favourite:

"If I pick up a deck of cards and yell "clubs!" and then draw a card and it isn't a club - I don't win, but I will yell "clubs!" again and keep picking cards until I pick the right suit and then I win." - Allie Brosh

So, lovely Allie who will probably never read this, here's my own list of things that make ME a champion.

If I look at the clock and it is a series of consecutive numbers (such as 12:34), or the start of the Fibonacci sequence (11:23) - I win. I also get to make a wish.

If I can change my son's clothes and get a bib on him before he spits up - I win. (I don't win that often, sadly.)

If I'm loading the dishwasher and I can make every item fit so that there is nothing left in the sink - I win.

If I can sing along to a song I haven't heard in years on the radio and remember all the words and note variations with no hesitation - I win. ('No Rain' by Blind Melon springs immediately to mind.)

If I can remember something blast-your-laughter-out funny that my husband has said, which I am allowed to repeat (oh my god, the things I can't tell you guys), and I get the same hysterical reaction from you that he got from me - I win. He wins too, even though he gets all embarrassed about it and insists that I take the win. So then I double win. Ha!

If I have a piece of string long enough to make a cat's cradle, I can do the "Bridge" and then undo it over and over. I especially win if I can do it without looking at it.

I have a bad habit of leaving cups everywhere, usually partly full of some water or juice. If I walk into a room and find a drinkable cup of the very thing I was wanting to drink - I win.

If I'm talking about Harry Potter (or any other book with which I am intimately familiar), and someone says, "I don't remember that part," so I run to the bookshelf and pull out the book to find what we're talking about, and I find the passage in less than 30 seconds - I win.

When it's September 19th, it's Talk Like A Pirate Day (not to mention the birthday of Hermione Granger, a fellow - if fictional - Virgo) - so I win. So does everyone else, because talking like a pirate is awesome.

If I am wearing a white shirt and can manage to eat either curry or spaghetti without getting sauce on my shirt - I win. (Okay, who am I kidding? I never win at that one.)

This last one takes some explaining. There are two light switches for the main lights in the basement: one at the top of the stairs, behind the door we always keep open, and one at the bottom. In order for the lights to be off, both switches need to be in the same direction, either both up or both down. My husband flicks the upstairs switch then he goes downstairs. I prefer to go downstairs then turn on the lights, because I hate having to reach behind the open door to flick the upstairs switch. If I go downstairs and I have to flick the switch down to turn the lights on, and as a result flick the switch up to turn off the lights when go back upstairs - I win!

When I recently told my husband that his flicking of the upstairs switch annoys the hell out of me and always has, because it messes up the going down-flick down/going up-flick up method I prefer (this after five years of living in this house), he looked at me strangely and said, "I didn't know this about you." A pause. "You're insane."

What sort of things do YOU win at?

1 comment:

Pony said...

I know there are a lot of things I win at, but my mind is surprisingly blank at the moment. So for now, I win at having clear fallopian tubes, and getting through the procedure while being called "stoic". But, I'll be back, cause I know I have more to say on this!