I must say that the most ridiculous thing I've seen today was on TV about an hour ago. A high-end fashion show, Chloe Spring/Summer 2006, featuring maternity wear. Worn on girls six feet tall with no breasts and certainly no buns in their respective ovens (or even on their back ends, for that matter).
Maternity wear. On painfully skinny, non-pregnant women. In case you can't tell, I'm shaking my head in disbelief.
True to my astrological sign, I am a tremendously picky Virgo, and my choices of clothing and footwear are no exception. I detest shopping, because everything I like either doesn't actually look good on me, is too long (i.e. pants) or too narrow (i.e shoulder breadth in shirts), or is very complicated to size (bras).
I went shopping for a bra yesterday, and if the so-called "over bust - (underbust + five inches) = cup size" formula was accurate, then I wouldn't need a bra. Because, boys and girls, 36 - 36 = nothing, and last time I checked I did indeed have boobs needing support. Plus, for reasons of comfort and health I do not wear underwire brassieres, which makes it that much more difficult to find something that fits properly. Sure, I could mould my chest into two perfect hemispheres within a stiff wire and fake lace cage, but can you run in that? I don't think so. Wires poking you in the armpits do not make one feel very sexy.
Being five foot two, I am largely required to shop for bottoms in the petites section. One thing that really galls me is the price of "petite" clothing. In many stores, it is substantially higher than in a regularly-sized section. Given that much less fabric is being used, you'd think the opposite would be true, but then I'm sure you'd get the "I'm being penalized for being bigger than five foot four" lecture from the Amazon camp and anarchy would ensue. *sigh* So I try to avoid the petites section, find I pair I like while ignoring the number on the tag, and pin up the extra six to eight inches they've added to the leg until I can get it hemmed.
Shirts are another pet peeve of mine. I am short. But I have broad shoulders for my size. In order to accomodate my shoulders and prevent the shoulder seam from starting at my collarbone, I need to buy larger shirt sizes. However, 90% of the time this translates into a longer torso which will reach to my hips, very long sleeves that reach to or past the ends of my fingers, and not much difference in shoulder breadth. As a result I tend to opt for tank tops (which I'm not permitted to wear at work anyway) or stretch v-neck t-shirts (which I can get away with at work). Oh, and always solid colors, no patterns, unless they are almost indetectable.
Finally, shoes. I almost want to start a new post just about this.
I love shoes. Men reading this are saying, 'yeah, what woman doesn't,' and looking pointedly at their hall closet where their lady friend's footwear has taken over all available space. I can honestly say I have only six pairs of footwear: one pair of sneakers (white), one pair of highheeled mules (black), one pair of high heels which have only been worn once (deep red to match the dress I bought them for), one pair of tough winter boots (black), one pair high-heeled calf-height leather boots (black), and my most recent purchase...
...my Pirate Boots. Black suede, mid-calf height, black flat-soled Airwalk boots with straps and buckles. I feel like a pirate when I wear them. Arrr! The best thing is, I can run in them. I'm not a runner, but if I have to boot it (no pun nintended), I don't like to be paralysed by the possibility of my shoes falling off or causing me to break my neck.
I look at every woman's shoes, and am mentally very critical of some footwear creations. One brand that I love to hate is Ugg. I hate the rounded toe, I hate the way you're supposed to half-stuff your jeans into the leg, I hate that weird seam that goes over the rise of your foot, and I hate the way they look like sixties space boots. Ugh. The part that kills me: they'd probably fit me better than most boots, because I have cursèd wide French peasant feet. Oh, and long toes. One of my friends once said I have gorilla toes. I prefer to think of them as elegant.
Comfort is a big factor for me in footwear, and it's always a challenge to find that. With today's kitten heels and pointed toes being all the rage I'm surprised it hasn't become fashionable to have bunion surgery instead of a facelift.
"Oh, Diane, your feet look wonderful. Did you get some work done? [this is always said coyly]"
"Thank you, Bernie, but don't tell anyone. You wouldn't believe what an artist this man is with a scalpel and a saw!"
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