Clarity

I've been thinking more and more lately about the fact that I never e-mail or call any of my friends. I figure it's entirely due to the fact that I e-mail and call people all day, working in a call centre (ah, the staple job on the resumés of so many 20-somethings), and when I get home I don't want to talk to anyone... And when I do, I talk about work and how stupid/frustrating/insane/ridiculous (circle one) people were today. Oi.

I figured this would be a more effective way to communicate my life and my thoughts to those I care about (and who, I hope, care about me), and to any who may come across this blog. Though I feel I must apologize in advance, because it will still be most likely me ranting about work and the many morons who have crossed my earphone path on any given day.

Blog. What a strange word. My friends from junior high (you know who you are) and I had a very similar word in grade 8. We created the Bord Slog (Board's Log) of actors and musicians that we thought were hot. The Slog, for short. We traded men and looked for people to put on our lists. My list included people like Christian Bale when he was in Newsies, Leonardo DiCaprio (until I stupidly traded him for Cuba Gooding Jr), and Mandy Patinkin from The Princess Bride. Anyway, we had a similar word first.

You know what else is a strange word? Milk. Talk it out, slowly...MILK. It sounds so, I don't know, Swedish. Maybe because I don't say the word very often, except to say, "I can't, I'm allergic to milk." Except now I say "dairy products" because I guess it's a stretch for a lot of people to think that I can be allergic to milk but not to butter, cheese, ice cream, Cheetos, Doritos - anything in the Itos family - most cookies, cakes, pies and other baked goods, or yogurt. And then they have the nerve to nod knowingly and say, "Oh, you're lactose-intolerant." No, that's not what I said. Have you heard of being "shellfish-intolerant"? "Bee-sting-intolerant"? I have a severe dairy allergy. I could, in theory, die. In addition to being not lactose-intolerant, I am also moron-intolerant.

And eggs. What's up with eggs? People hear me say I'm allergic to dairy and then automatically assume I can't eat eggs either. I'm sorry, I've never seen an egg-laying cow before. Must be something new in the refrigerated section of the grocery.

Peanut-butter, too. If I hadn't been able to eat peanut butter as a child I would have starved to death. I vividly remember eating in the neighborhood of four to six peanut-butter-and-honey sandwiches a day from the age of six until I was about fourteen. And people yet assume that if it has the word "butter" in it then it must be cow-derived.

I think all this misunderstanding stems back to schooling. Some people, unfortunately, did not study hard enough, or were simply bored with the "details" of verbal nuance, and just never learned to appreciate linguistic clarity.

For example (be warned, I'm going to talk about work*):

*For those who don't know me, or have forgotten because of my laxness of communication, I work in a call centre servicing a chain of stores across Canada, and we get calls for store locations, for our loyalty card, and for any issues in general that come up with stores or our promotions.

So I have been communicating with this customer, who starts off by writing, "Recently, I purchased some perfume from one of your stores."

Now let's think about this word, "Recently", for a moment. How recent is "recent"? I, personally, tend to think of it as anytime in the last month. I think that's a reasonable assumption, don't you? Give or take, of course, depending on the situation.

A subsequent missive from this customer states, "I purchased it last winter." Now, this is starting to stretch the boundaries of "recent" events. Given the context of Toronto's weather lately, perhaps winter may be stretched to as far as, say, March 2005.

But, after running a report on their loyalty card, I discover that this perfume was, in fact, purchased in June 2004.

Now perhaps you may say, "This is, no doubt, an older person, in their golden years, for whom time is passing far too quickly and whose definition of the word 'recent' has broadened, in light of their vast lifetime of experiences." That would be an acceptable explanation.

Unfortunately, I must say, this person is only 20 years old, and for me now, at 25, to think of a year ago as a "recent" period is beyond my comprehension. I would truly love to re-educate this person on time-quantifying adverbs and adjectives, including "recently", "a while ago", "a few" and "several", not to mention the word "winter".

Seemingly off-topic (though it really is not), I am an amateur astrologer, and through the course of my charting people's personalities I have seen - and had confirmed by these same clients - that some people are naturally gifted with words, and that some people, sadly, have to work at it. Some people make the effort, talented or not, while some can't be bothered, talented or not. This person, clearly, is either ungifted or cannot be bothered, as they cannot distinguish winter from summer, recent from a long freaking time ago, and is annoying, to boot.

I try very hard to make my communiqués as clear as possible. I hope that over the course of this blog, that everything I say can and will be understood by all. If you don't understand, especially as I may delve into French, Spanish, or the odd bit of Latin or Italian at any given time, which I have gleaned from the many, many, many books I have read, please let me know, and I can clarify.

Because this is what I strive to do.
I think.
I'll let you know if my position on that changes.